Stream of Consciousness

I just finished making granola bars. Next up: banana muffins. But I really don’t feel like washing the granola-tainted food processor just so I can puree the bananas. Maybe I’ll just use it as is?

[Without washing the processor.]

Because I’m kind of lazy.

I should make that my Facebook status update. Except maybe it will come across as one of those poorly disguised self-compliments or updates begging for validation. ‘I just made granola bars and banana muffins and didn’t bother washing the food processor inbetween. I’m so lazy.’

Except I made granola bars and banana muffins. Which makes me sound kind of awesome. Maybe I’m awesome and a little bit lazy?

I walk past the flowers my mom sent me for my birthday. They’re droopy now. Two days after I received them. Actually, I guess it’s Thursday. That’s 3 days later. She was disappointed that the florist didn’t send the flowers she requested. And then they were kind of droopy. So she complained and they asked for a picture of the droopy wrong flowers. And I said I’d handle it.

But watch out when I say I’m going to handle something. Because sometimes it means I’ll do it right away. [Sort of.] And other times it could be weeks……months.

Like once, my sister visited me in Minneapolis and we went to Target and she ordered a pair of eyeglasses. And then she flew back to Boston. And the eyeglasses came in and I picked them up. But then I didn’t mail them to her. For kind of a long time. Like maybe a couple of weeks. Mostly because I’m especially inept about going to the post office in a timely manner. And finally she got kind of annoyed so I forced myself to go to the post office and mail those glasses.

Except somehow I ended up mailing the case without any eyeglasses inside. I literally mailed her: an empty eyeglass case. Which is pretty amusing – years later – but of course it wasn’t at the time. I’m surprised she still speaks to me, now that I think about it.

Okay, so evidence suggests I might be more lazy than awesome. Though the professor, of course, tells me I’m awesome. [Sometimes.] But the other day, when I mentioned our seventeenth wedding anniversary was coming up, he said something like ‘ugh, has it really been that long?’

And the way he said it made it sound like maybe being married (to me) hasn’t been all that awesome. Which, fair enough, I do have an entire category on this blog dedicated to the subject ‘why you’re glad you’re not married to me.’

Even I realize that being married (to me) has its challenges.

Like the fruit flies buzzing around the kitchen table from the rather blackened bananas I’ve been saving for muffin-making. Little black things flying around is not really awesome, either. Maybe I fall squarely in the lazy camp.

Did I mention I’m making granola bars and banana muffins?

Maybe I could use this on the blog’s ‘about’ page: ‘I’m a lot lazy and a little bit awesome.’ Something slightly more interesting than the standard ‘I like chocolate and despise rollercoasters’ fare? Though that’s true, too.

I should update the photo on that page, but now I’m all self-conscious about ‘self-portraits’ after seeing several posts on Facebook today about the rules for posting ‘selfies’ on instagram.

Something about trolling for compliments, I think.

But really, if I don’t take pictures of myself, who will? Some day I would prefer it if there was photographic proof that I didn’t always look like I’d slept for 3 hours and hadn’t showered in days. I can just picture the boys flipping through old photos when I’m gone and muttering ‘wow, mom was ugly.’ Because the five pictures that I’m in? The shutter clicked as I blinked which makes me look half-drunk or seriously crazy.

And then there’s the matter of bad clothes and not enough sleep and the perpetually bad hair.

Freaking fruit flies. I really need to make those muffins. Now.

Maybe I’ll just mash the bananas by hand.

8 thoughts on “Stream of Consciousness

  1. Better than a selfie: just let Percy walk around with a camera for a couple hours….somewhere in the 652 pictures of every stray sock, lego and crumb there is bound to be one of (most) of you. Better yet you might find a video of yourself telling your child to wait (for whatever it is they are asking for this time) while you finish up (whatever it is that is distracting you this time) on the computer. All kinds of ways to document awesome… or maybe just at my house.

  2. 1. You’re not lazy (I’m basing this in the fact that most of your blog posts involve you writing about cleaning the entire house top-bottom and then doing laundry. THEN, doing it again the next day because you have 3biy children.
    2. Even if you still think you’re lazy, you are sill AWESOME. (That word reminds me of that middle school cheer that spells it out and then ends with ‘totally.’)
    3. I see what you did there, fishing for compliments from your readers! (Insert sarcasm)
    4. Happy belated Bday! (Sorry I forgot.)

  3. Take it from me, you can be both equal parts lazy and awesome…yes, at the same time. Usually, I don’t give ratios or rate if my awesomeness outweighs my lazy or visa versa….I don’t like to negative-talk myself. I just say ‘Brandi: lazy and awesome.’ Yeah.

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