One in a million

It’s really remarkable how the unlikeliest of circumstances can all collide on the same day. Perhaps ‘remarkable’ is too positive of a word given yesterday’s events.

Say, for example, that you leave the house just shy of 2.30pm to pick up your oldest son from school. You grab some keys. You grab the (recently detached-by-force) car opener and off you go. You open the van using said car opener (is there a more technical name for that black doodad with the little buttons, because it escapes me). You buckle the baby in his car seat. And you move the keys towards the ignition.

Only to realize the keys are not your keys. You have inadvertently grabbed your husband’s set of keys. The one without a car key and (come to find out) not a single house key among the myriad of bronze-colored university keys. You could call a friend for help – perhaps plead ‘could you pick up my kid’ or ‘could you get me the number of a locksmith’. Or whatever might help you most in this particular situation.

Except your husband – the one who doesn’t carry a key to the front door – took your cellphone. To New York.

So, you are inside your car. With your kids. And you have no way of getting back inside the house. And no way of reaching anyone. You are also, perhaps, cursing. A little bit.

You try to break in to your own home. It fails. And then – light bulb, eureka moment – you remember a very useful tidbit of information. Last time you, stupidly, locked yourself out of the house you hid a house key inside your glove compartment.

Yes! you think to yourself. And run back to the car, where you start ransacking the glove box. Only to remember that, after putting said key in said glove box, you removed the key: because if you can open your car, chances are you have your car keys. Or so you told yourself at the time, marvelling at your inability to think things through.

Who knew that mere months later you would actually have the car opener….but not the keys. Seriously, what are the odds?

So, then you cross your fingers and hope that one particular window, which is sometimes locked sometimes not, is still unlocked. You determine it is. Rip the screen. Catapult your four year old through it. And he (with a considerable amount of trouble) manages to unlock the front door.

Well, first he manages to deadbolt the door, which leads to all manner of frustration and pantomime. And then he manages to unlock the whole thing and you grab the correct set of keys and race to the son’s school. Miraculously, ‘only’ five minutes late to the blond boy wonder standing idly on the steps, waiting for his mother.

You vow never to let such ridiculous circumstances cause you stress. Ever again. You vow, to drive directly to the mall and purchase a second cell phone plan. To put a house key in the glove compartment. Or at least on your husband’s key ring. To learn every possible lesson you can from this ridiculous situation.

Little do you know, in just forty minutes, yet another bizarre set of circumstances will conspire against you.

4 thoughts on “One in a million

  1. Get a lock box. We have one attached to our front door. It has a number code. This was my husband’s solution to the problem of the wife who always looks herself out. IT WORKS. Key right in the lock box. Just remembe the code. Voila! Try it – it has changed my life.

  2. Roberta, I will get a lockbox this weekend. Rachel, I’m not sure part 2 was worth it – but there you have it!


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