I sold my soul for an ipod….shuffle

It’s true, I love swag, I’ve said it before. So when I found out on Facebook that a friend had received an ipod shuffle as a ‘new patient’ gift at a local dental clinic, I vowed the Johnsons would become new patients there, too.

Because I don’t have an i-anything. Much less a ‘free’ i-anything.

I called to book an appointment and explained that I had to make an appointment for two boys and their dad. The receptionist helpfully suggested scheduling them all at the same time and I agreed, figuring we’d get it all over and done with. Rather than having to make several trips to the dentist.

So Wednesday arrived, and to the dentist we went. All five of us. At 9am. The receptionist handed us clipboards with paperwork and two seconds later, Percy tried to dump out the bowl filled with enormous shiny balls perched decoratively on the coffee table. ‘There’s a kid’s room if you’d like to wait there,’ the receptionist informed us and showed us to the sequestered spot.

It was a (roughly) 48 square feet space with a wii and books and markers and a synthetic red shag carpet. The boys were ecstatic. Wii! At 9 o’clock in the morning!

I found myself trying to fill out paperwork, while holding young Percy on my lap and trying to set up the wii game (Up!). All at the same time. I silently begged a hygienist to come, quickly, and take away one of my boy-children; straining my (desperate) ears listening for the tell-tale footsteps that meant relief was imminent. The footsteps came……67 minutes later.

There is ample speculation about the idea of hell and what it might be like. Well, I decided on Wednesday morning, between the hour(s) of 9 and 10.07am, that hell…..is trying to show an almost four year old how to play ‘Up’ in a 48 square foot red-carpeted-room at a dental office. While his almost two year old brother froths at the mouth, demanding to be held. And his seven year old brother sighs ‘this is taking forever, I’m bored’. Every.five.minutes.

All while I try to sip my (complimentary!) un-delicious Keurig coffee.

Have you ever tried to play Up on the wii? I realize I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer when it comes to video games, but I could not figure out the objective of the game, or how to do anything, besides make random punching motions that yielded nothing. And so I spent an hour watching the Hen send Carl Fredrickson off a cliff, to certain death.

Over. And over. And over. Again.

Except, it being a cartoon, he magically returned to the top of the cliff buoyed by a bunch of balloons each time. A valuable life lesson: fall off the world’s steepest fictitious cliff, and a bunch of balloons will find you and parachute you back to the top.

Four or five cavities later, when we finally drove away from the office with our three new ipod shuffles, I felt deflated somehow. As though the input hadn’t quite matched the output.

Perhaps if I’d received three ipads….?

But these things have a way of turning themselves around, I’ve found.

I sat in front of the computer last night for the better part of an hour, trying to sort through the randomness that is the professor’s itunes library, to create my very own playlist. Of songs I might actually enjoy hearing. At the end of the very-long-list was a selection of four-letter titles attributed to ‘unknown album’.

‘Why do these songs just have 4 letters?’ I called to my better half who was sitting in the living room. Even though I knew he was going to attribute them to the shared music file he and a few graduate school colleagues had created. Back in 2002. ‘It must be Chau’s stuff,’ he shrugged, doing his best to shift the blame for whatever gem I was about to find.

I clicked on the first song, titled AAVL.

And then I howled with laughter.

Is it the Dumb and Dumber lookalike harpist? Is it the enthusiastic back-up singers? Is it Mr. Adams’ haircut (which, incidentally, is the same haircut the professor sported in 1994ish)? The bouncy Michael Bolton-esque conductor? Or Luciano getting all jazzed up as he sings ‘Alllllllllll’?

Simply splendid. Worthy of at least three views. Don’t let your disdain of lengthy video clips or Bryan Adams’ music keep you from watching it……in its entirety.

9 thoughts on “I sold my soul for an ipod….shuffle

  1. A gem. The little singer on the left really gave it her all.
    Thanks to Chau (who is also a Richard Clayderman fan, yes?) my Friday morning started on a jolly note.

  2. I like that bocelli looks uncomfortable despite not being able to see how corny the whole setup is… he senses it deep inside…

  3. While reading this post, I kept wondering…how is this going to end? Was the promotion over? Did they only receive one shuffle instead of three? Did the dentist swear the whole family off of sticky-toffee-pudding for a year? Not in my wildest imagination did this end with a power ballad by Pavarotti and Bryan Adams…well done.

  4. Kim, the third one has been loaded with children’s music. The Hen can be found sitting behind the stuffed armchair in the living room listening to it. I especially love hearing him sing Rufus Wainwright’s (okay, not children’s music) Across the Universe. Priceless! Tan, these things just write themselves. I thought it would be just a mild rant about taking 3 boys to the dentist….but it turned into so much more. And you used the word power ballad….that’s extra credit right there!

  5. Wow. I have never seen or heard anything like that, and I hope never to again. Wow. I can’t believe I actually sat through the whole thing — only b/c you said to. Going to skip the 2nd and 3rd viewing though!! ha ha You nailed the description 🙂

  6. Okay, I can’t always gets to YouTube clips – being in Japan and there must be copyright laws or or decency rules or something like that – but I am so lucky to have gotten to view that. It made my day. Week. Month. I am going to keep it as a tab so that I can get to it whenever I need a pick me up! My favorite part was the woman in the sparkly dress reading off the cheat sheet so she knew her part. (And did you happen to read any of the attached comments?? Goosebumps!) (Just reread this…. hope the sarcasm comes through! Hysterical laughter!!)

    1. Kristen, you’re welcome! Your sarcasm translated perfectly. And now I’m going to read the comments on the clip. Goosebumps? Uh….not quite.


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