Friday Fun Facts

You can take your kids to the Superstore, the Library, Michael’s, the Farmer’s Market and Costco. In that order. On the same day. Without stopping. But it will take you four hours and twenty-five minutes from start to finish. And you will have to hear a lot of ‘you’re so mean, you never let me choose anything I want’ and you may not actually like your children at the end of it all.

If you’re going to take your three kids to the Farmer’s Market (unintentionally) during the busiest time of the day, you should make sure the Baby Bjorn carrier is in the car. Before you get to the Farmer’s Market and discover it’s not. In the car. And you’re forced to carry a baby whilst trying to steer two short-legged people through a mass of people heading in the opposite direction. While holding a five pound bag of colored carrots. Which you thought would be an excellent fun snack for your children. Who, subsequently informed you, they don’t eat purple carrots.

If you’re going to take your children on an errand-marathon, it’s probably best to escort them to the restroom before entering the bowels of Costco. Instead of waiting until you get to the check-out. When one of your boy-children announces he desperately has to go to the bathroom. And you have to make the call: abandon cart at check-out or pay for stuff and then go to the restroom.

You may sit down after said errand-marathon for five minutes of email checking, while thinking (happily) to yourself ‘the baby has been playing by himself, without crying, for five minutes’. And once you’ve completed that thought you’ll decide to investigate. After all, a strangely quiet child is usually an up-to-no-good child. And you’ll find the baby in question, sitting by the still-unpacked box from Costco. Having discovered the hidden stash of ‘spilled-all-over-the-car’ M&M’s. And he has ingested most of them.

Whether an after-effect of four hours of errands or consuming a cup of M&M’s, said baby will spend the bulk of the afternoon screaming. Instead of napping.

Call it Murphy’s Law, but husbands only seem to come home early on the days that are going well. When the kids are playing without fighting. And dinner is actually made, or in the process of being made, and you feel semi-confident about your ability to  manage a household and parent children. On the days when you’re pulling your hair out by 10am…..those are the days when your husband will announce that he has to work late.


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