‘What are you doing,’ the professor asked when he walked into my ‘office’ and found me scowling at the computer. ‘I’m waiting for my Commodore 64 to spit out some information for me,’ I replied. Snarkily.
You can count on three things in life: death, taxes and Nicola yelling at her horrifically inept computer at least once a day.
For starters, the Dell is eight years old. And it crashed and burned at the beginning of the year. And it was resuscitated by my brother in law. But then the professor loaded various and sundry Adobe applications onto it. (For my benefit.) And I took 5000 pictures. And now the computer has less memory than a Macintosh 128K. And it cannot perform any task in less than five minutes. Which, in computer time, is the equivalent of an hour. I mean, roll out the abacus.
So I whine like a petulant child whenever I’m using it. And once I start crying about the computer, it’s a matter of minutes until I start complaining about the state of my camera. The camera is nearly five years old with a chipped lens and an astonishing 8 megapixels. Which means I take a picture and it looks pretty decent…until I try to enlarge it and it’s completely fuzzy and un-decent.
So when I’m downloading crappy pictures onto my dino-computer….look out.
My better half tried to comfort me in my time of need: ‘Right now, some guy in Africa is standing in front of a crowd of people holding up your picture saying [and then he spoke in his best generic-African accent…which sounded half Chinese-half Spanish] look at this poor white lady with her slow computer and her bad camera…you know how long you have to wait to get food….that’s how long she has to wait….just to download pictures onto her computer. So ask all the rich people you know if they can send money to her so she can get a new computer and camera….‘
He kept mocking me for a while, but I tuned him out after about five minutes, which is exactly how long it took my computer to open….a folder of pictures.
And look, if you have three hours to spare, you too can place twelve pictures in an Indesign file! Just don’t zoom in on this bad boy. The expression ‘good from far, but far from good’ exists for a reason.