The Marriage Ref

Apparently Jerry Seinfeld is the ‘brains’ behind a new show called Marriage Ref. I haven’t seen it due to our television-less status, but I gather the premise has something to do with a couple presenting their respective sides of a marital disagreement, and the marriage ref gets to decide who’s right.

Consider this ‘hypothetical’ situation.

It was Friday afternoon. Around 1pm. I’d made some guacamole for my lunch, which I’d plopped onto a small plate along with a dollop of salsa. And I was standing at the kitchen counter with my little plate in front of me; dipping tortilla chips in the guac or the salsa and sliding them into my mouth.

Dip. Chew. Swallow. Repeat.

Jason decided that he was hungry for guacamole too. But the dollop on my plate was on the paltry side of the portion spectrum. So he decided to make himself some guacamole.

He grabbed the avocado. Peeled it. And placed it on….my plate. Where he began to crush the green-ish flesh with a fork. Right in the middle of the guacamole that I was in the middle of eating.

I was, simply put, stunned. It felt like we were newlyweds all over again – each party completely shocked by the other’s behavior in a particular situation; lamenting silently: ‘how could I have missed this in the two and a half years of dating and engagement?’

I couldn’t believe that he’d usurped my plate while I was still eating. And he couldn’t believe how irritated I was about it.

‘If we had people over to dinner, would you go and stand beside them and start making food on the plate that they were using?’ I asked, hoping the example would help him ‘get it’.

‘No, because I’m not married to them.’ He replied. And muttered something about trying to ‘save’ dishes. So the dishwasher wouldn’t have to wash quite so many plates.

An about-to-be-wed couple stopped by later in the day, and I re-enacted the scenario. To see if they were as outraged as I.

The husband-to-be’s first reaction was ‘he was probably doing it so he wouldn’t have to dirty another plate.’

And there you have it. Outrage? Practical? Or practically rude?

(You can only answer once, professor!)

10 thoughts on “The Marriage Ref

  1. I see a clear gender divide coming with these poll results…(the winner is clearly Nicola, no matter how many times Jason votes for himself or how frequently he lamely tries to defend his action) 🙂

  2. It’s totally fine & dandy to make one’s own guacamole. It is totally rude to disrupt another person’s enjoyment of their own already-made guacamole. Burying existing guacamole (and salsa) with in-process guacamole obliterates the work put into the first batch (which is more work than the washing of an additional plate).

  3. this vote is rigged.. also why must we segregate our guacamoles, can’t we all just get along in one big world of peaceful coexistence.

  4. Darling, as Vicky and Adrienne have pointed out, you’re just plain wrong on this one. Unless you’ve figured out a way to ‘cheat’, you actually got 2 more votes than I expected. And I didn’t even vote in this poll – any votes pour moi are from parties who genuinely believe I was wronged in this particular instance.

  5. Sorry, Jason, you are SO wrong on this one!
    Glad it didn’t happen to me…I would have been sooooo annoyed 😡

  6. I’ll throw J a bone here….while I did vote for Nicola on this one, I do have to say – if this is indeed the professor’s worst offense (worthy of a marriage ref) he’s not doing too bad.

    Sharing a plate of guacamole could be considered “cuddling” in a man’s world.

  7. O. My. Word. I would have been really, severely annoyed. Sorry Jason…women have food boundaries and drink boundaries…don’t mess!!! Living in a house of males I can relate. Earle and I have gotten in aruguements more than once over him drinking my glasses of ice cold ice water…I know, but still;) He and the boys share their food and drinks alll the time, they know not to touch mine.

  8. Alas, I tried to throw you a bone and vote for you but I can see that the results are pretty one sided. Only 4 votes for you (one of which is my pity vote). I may drink my wife’s refreshing, cold, ice water but not even I would begin to prepare a meal on Carrie’s plate while she was still eating off of it.

  9. all these years we have been taught that women are the sharers and nurturers among us, but it turns out that if they are cooking us a meal its only to make sure we don’t inappropriately let our food “cuddle”… Thanks Tan for throwing me the pretend bone (although voting against something while saying “on the other hand” isn’t really much of a support) I was indeed just trying to cuddle, through the international language of love.. guacamole…

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