Spring Cleaning, 2

Update: I sincerely hope the three people who reported they cleaned under their stoves and fridges on a monthly basis have cleaning ladies.

A week or so ago, a friend mentioned on Facebook that she’d been cleaning her ceilings. I pretty much felt like the world’s worst anything right about then. Ceilings? I mean, I consider it a good day if the laundry’s not spilling out of the laundry baskets onto the floor. If I can see my bed. If I can see the sink in the kitchen. And if I can walk on the dining room floor without maiming myself with legos and hardened food matter.

But clean ceilings. That’s a whole different level of cleanliness. One that I’m afraid I’m not able to attain at this stage of life. Well, not without the help of a cleaning lady.

But besides making me feel like an un-domestic goddess, the Facebook note guilted me into tackling the disaster that’s my oven. The oven that had roasted at least ten chickens and two enormous turkeys and baked many pizzas. It was scary inside. And each week I’d vow to clean it. And then the week would end and the oven would look the same. Or worse.

So I got the necessary (highly toxic) cleaning supplies. And I sprayed the inside of the oven during the boys’ naptime one afternoon. And I made a mental note to deal with it at a later time. But my manny hadn’t gotten a copy of the mental note. He just saw the supplies on the kitchen counter and thought it was a ‘hint’. So, being the good Samaritan that he is, he tackled the job.

And then it sort of snowballed from there. I removed the range’s bottom drawer and found this:

And, once I’d seen all that lurked under the stove, I felt compelled to clean under the fridge too.

Many minutes later, I surveyed my loot. Four toy cars, fifteen marbles, three pieces of duplo blocks, one memory card, two playing cards from two different card games, three pieces of kid-art, one dishwasher detergent cube, seven pieces of kids k’nex, a couple of decorative pebbles, a wrapped Tootsie roll candy, an Aveeno lip balm.

And, my personal favorite, the J tile from Scrabble. J is for Jenerous, after all.

Why the written inventory? Because none of it is mine. None of it. I do not play with cars. Or marbles. Or even Scrabble tiles. And I certainly don’t play with any of those things in the kitchen.

But I know people who do.

8 thoughts on “Spring Cleaning, 2

  1. You have inspired me. I am going to buy said toxic cleaning products this weekend and finally tackle the goo that is the inside of our oven. Maybe if I do that, my mother will stop sending me ‘Fly Lady’ emails that tell me how easy & fun cleaning my house regularly can be…

  2. So that’s where the bottom half of my green crayon went….;)

    Btw, just so you feel better: when we moved into our house, a certain child of mine opened a highly-pressurized container of yogurt….long story short, the yogurt splattered all over the ceiling. It’s still there…2 1/2 years later…and only tall people notice.

  3. I totally do not want to clean under my refrigerator or stove. But now I feel like I have to… thanks A LOT.

  4. Oh Laura you’re raising a couple of ladies – I’m sure there’s nothing but fairy dust under your stove and fridge 🙂 Tan, I’m so looking for the yogurt next time I’m at your house. I want proof. And Vicky, how I wish we could be neighbors. With our trashy yards and our unclean ovens.

  5. Nicola, the thought of you as my next door neighbor (even in a bizarro second of fantasy) makes me deliriously happy. In addition to trashy yards, unclean ovens, and overflowing laundry piles, we could more fully share our love of trashy tv and keep coffee hot for each other. AND we could do things like I’d watch your kids while you make my friends crafts so they’d finally have something homemade. Oh crap. I’m becoming a little too attached to this Vic & Nic as Neighbors fantasy…

    1. Don’t you think ‘The Adventures of Vic and Nic’ would be excellent reality show material? They could show our disgruntled neighbors, our unclean ovens and the perpetually yelling Johnson boys.

  6. As much as am secretly hoping that you’ll buy the house next door to us (which is, in fact, for sale, though I fear it is too small for your crew), I think our “adventures” would actually be quite dull for TV. Wouldn’t we do a lot of watching HGTV together and sitting on the couch reading online quizzes to each other, while chaos erupted from mess, dogs & boys all around us? Though I admit, the confessional interviews from our disgruntled neighbors & tired spouses might make for good TV…


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