I know what color poison is

I maintain that an average woman with a below average amount of sleep will find even the most perfectly behaved children annoying.

Or maybe that’s just a lie I’m telling myself when I feel like throttling my boys and they haven’t done anything extraordinarily terrible.

The professor was desperate for the baby of the family to roll over. Well, in a classic case of ‘be careful what you wish for’, B3 now rolls over. At all hours of the night. And summons me to his chamber when he finds himself in a position not conducive to sleep. These nights I feel lucky if I get two hours of uninterrupted sleep before getting up to flip the babe or unearth a lost pacifier. The other night (morning), when the clock struck 1:30am, I’d already been up three (3!) times. And I’d gone to bed at 11.30…..

The point is, lack of sleep = supreme crankiness on my part.

So it’s little wonder I felt ready to climb the walls on Thursday afternoon. Even if the blondies weren’t being unusually crazy.

‘Let’s go on a field trip!’ I announced, because myy kids are so much more charming when they’re strapped into their carseats.

We headed out to the car-van. But not before the boys spied a brown box recently delivered by the UPS man. Thank goodness for a thoughtful, timely aunt (I mean eighteen month old cousin) who (a) bought treats (b) put them in cute receptacles and (c) mailed them so they would arrive on time. Maybe when I’m forty I’ll acquire the skills necessary to do that.

I loaded the boys into the car and handed them a packet of Valentine M&M’s.

‘I want to go to the place with the rocks,’ my oldest announced.  So we drove to Edworthy Park, and as we were cruising down Parkdale Boulevard, the Gort announced: ‘I know what color poison is!’ Which is another great reason to be in the car with your kids: you get a tiny glimpse of what they’re learning and thinking about.

‘Oh – what color IS it?’ I inquired.


And I didn’t even bother asking ‘why, who, what, where…when’ because it sounded complicated. And it’s not the first time he’s spoken of poison in the last week. So all I can fathom is it was a tiny snippet of information passed on by his teacher. One that he’s taken out of context and turned into something it was never meant to be. Either way, I laughed. Out loud.

Maybe lack of sleep also diminishes my threshold for comedy – apparently I laugh at dumb things when I’m tired.

We got out at the park and the boys took off running across the bridge. Like dogs who’d been locked in a kennel for a week. They basically ran the entire time, until they collapsed in their carseats, forty minutes later.

Fresh air and pink M&M’s can cure most problems.

And husbands who take three boy-children to Home Depot so the maternus familias can take a thirty minute nap.


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