Health and Wellness Update

‘Mom, what happens if you eat one hundred candies?’ the Gort asked me after breakfast this morning.

‘I don’t know,’ I replied; slightly weary of the barrage of questions related to nutrition.

‘I think you’ll DIE!’ he speculated.

I didn’t tell him that I’ve come quite close to eating one hundred candies in one sitting. And I’m still here.

Later, as we were driving across town, he altered the question slightly.

‘What happens when you eat one hundred ten sugars?’

‘I don’t know….you’ll probably get a belly ache?’

‘You’ll probably rain sugar,’ he decided and laughed his little head off. As if he’d just come up with the funniest joke known to man.

When I dropped him off at school, I noticed his teacher was standing in the front of the school, waiting for the buses to arrive. I decided to seize the moment and ask her about his recent strange revelations.

We chatted for a few minutes about my oldest’s terrific habit of doing his work in point 5 seconds so he can go to the carpet to read or play. Or wreak havoc with a fellow classmate. I couldn’t help but notice the Gort was lurking nearby; his ears on red alert – knowing he was the subject of our conversation.

‘So, he told me the other day that if you’re fat they have to cut you open…..to get out the food,’ I blurted out when the classroom behavior conversation had run its course.

She looked at me astonished; possibly wondering if I was accusing her of educating the Kindergarteners on the ins and outs of gastric bypass surgery.

Which, of course, I wasn’t. I was just curious to find out what had been said in class that could have led him to make such unusual conclusions.

Turns out the information had come from classmates. They’d been talking about the lifestyle and fitness expert’s presentation. And there’d been a mention of a heart attack – or something – from one of his friends.

Yada yada yada……they have to cut you open to get the food out.

One thought on “Health and Wellness Update

  1. “why are we soft in the middle”… he asks at dinner… “because we don’t have bones on our stomachs” i offer… “no that’s not it, we need to do exercises like this!” he stands up and flails his arms like some sort of insane chicken dance while jumping in place, then drops to the floor and does what seem to be some sort of interpretive dance version of pushups… “do you think these will make my belly hard?”… i think its time for a new curriculum in his school… shouldn’t he be asking this in spanish?

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