Dear Chevy Venture
Our two month anniversary is approaching fast. I realize we didn’t exactly give you a warm welcome that Thursday evening in June when you became ours. But you have to realize, we never wanted you. We were certain we’d get through life without succumbing to the likes of you.
And we failed. Or the auto world failed us. Or our budget and vague environmental consciousness failed us. No matter, you’re ours now.
I have to say, I don’t feel a great connection to you. Were it not for the blue Indiana plates at the back, I’m quite sure I couldn’t even pick you out of a minivan line-up. And I pride myself on having a reasonable eye for detail. Twice now, we’ve found ourselves leaving church and walking to someone else’s beige (is that really your color?) Chevy Venture. That’s never happened to me before.
But your lack of aesthetics aside, I’ve come to appreciate a few things about you.
Your sliding doors. I always knew that I would love to have sliding doors, and I do.
Your ‘park aid’ – the beeping noise you make when I’m about to hit a curb or a car when I’m in reverse? What a useful, if slightly confusing feature. I wish you could produce one type of beep for hitting a curb and another kind of beep for hitting a parked car. Because frankly, I’m not as concerned with backing into a curb. (Shh, don’t tell my husband.)
But perhaps you could benefit from some sort of warning feature, alerting drivers when the park aid has been turned off by a rambunctious 2 year old with fast fingers. I had many near misses one week, as I confidently almost-backed into parked cars, fully expecting your beep to save me from blundering. I kept thinking ‘wow, I feel like I’m really close to that car….but the van isn’t beeping, so I must be okay.’ Somehow I don’t think my insurance company would have understood.
Your power steering. Aside from your gargantuan-ness, you are surprisingly easy to parallel park. People have actually complimented me on my ‘Chicago-style ability’…little do they know!
And then….there’s the cargo space. Since you became ours we have:
- driven from Indiana to Calgary, loading you to the gills with baby clothes, maternity clothes, other baby paraphernalia and a boy’s bicycle.
- picked up an IKEA desk, and two dressers and a small bookcase from a Craigslist benefactor.
- picked up a king-sized bed from another Craigslist benefactor
- picked up a crib, a changing table and a double stroller from a friend
None of these situations would have been possible in our former station wagon.
And for that we are most grateful to you. Regardless, you should know that if Jason ever gets a chance to appear on Top Gear, he will deny your existence.
It’s nothing personal.
Well, yes it is.