I’ve been a mom for more than 5 years now. And it’s happened to me three times. It’s just something one doesn’t forget.
The first time, was the morning of June 29, 2004. We were flying back to the States from London that afternoon. I was taking a bath with my not-quite-four-month-old baby boy in the morning, before the taxi came to pick us up. When it happened. Horrified, I bolted faster from the tub than anyone has ever done in the history of bathing. A Guinness Book of World Records was surely set on that fateful morning. It took every bit of mental power I had to remember I needed to hold on to the baby in the process. I couldn’t discard the offender.
The next time was November 2007. Can’t remember the date. Luckily I was not in the tub when it happened. But I saw it. And it took all kinds of persuasion and cleaning for me to get back in the tub after that.
Then today. I gave the boys a long overdue haircut. Which necessitated a late afternoon bath. I was out of the bathroom for a few minutes when I heard my oldest say in an annoyed, though not overly panicky voice: ‘Mom, Henners pooped in the tub.’ Surely I heard wrong. Surely he was mistaken.
I ran into the bathroom, fully expecting there to be a misunderstanding of some sort. But there wasn’t. Mr. G had gotten it right, and was already vacating the tub. The Hen was standing up too, acutely aware that he was no longer in desirable waters.
It was one of those moments when I couldn’t have been more unprepared. I had used their bath towels to dust off their limbs post hair cut. Which means the blue towels were covered in fine pieces of hair, and could not be used to dry off the evacuees. The nearest clean towels were upstairs in a closet. No matter, by the time I’d reached this conclusion, the boys were long gone. Having foregone the ‘drying’ part of the bathing process.
Staring at the tub, filled with toys, washcloths and ‘other matter’, I had no idea what to do first, or how to go about the clean-up operation. What I really wanted to do was close the bathroom door and leave it for Jason to deal with. But truthfully, I couldn’t have handled hanging around for another 30 minutes, knowing what was on the other side of that door.
Calgon take me away.
Or not. Because I’m not getting in that tub any time soon.