When I married the professor nearly 13 years ago, there was obviously a lot I didn’t know about him. But as with any risky venture, I just hoped I knew ‘enough’ and that whatever was unveiled in the following years wouldn’t be too terrible.
This leap of faith has paid off reasonably well. Nothing horrific has (yet) been unveiled. His inability to throw anything away has been annoying, and I find his claim that he just has a terrible memory hard to believe….when he can recite the entire Wanda Sykes monologue from the recent Correspondents’ Dinner, recall finer plot points from all 2000 Seinfeld episodes and cite random sports statistics. Terrible memory, I don’t think so. Selective – yes. He just doesn’t want to remember anything I tell him.
But what I really did not know about him is that he is apparently made up of kryptonite. I don’t know this for a fact, but I bet a scientific analysis of his body composition will reveal trace amounts of the stuff. How else to explain the fact that he breaks watches, simply by placing them on his arm?
It’s strange, actually. He has had many, many watches in the time we’ve shared a domicile. Some have lasted longer than others, but eventually (within a month, or three or six…a year, max) they just stop working. Nothing dramatic happens, it’s just as if there’s some chemical reaction between watch and forearm which makes for incompatible working conditions.
For his 30th birthday I bought him a Swiss Army watch. While certainly not in the same category as a Rolex or Cartier watch, it was one of the pricier gifts I’d gotten him. Within six months it had completely stopped working. I sent it to the watch repair place in Kokomo, who kept it for two weeks and sent it back. Fixed, or so they claimed. It didn’t work. I sent it back, they sent him a brandnew watch. It was broken in a matter of months. I can’t recall if I sent it to Kokomo a third time or not, but suffice it to say it’s sitting in a drawer somewhere.
So when we prepared to move to Calgary he sheepishly requested yet another watch. Since his 35th birthday was coming up, I concurred. This time he picked it out on Zappos and ordered it himself. I steered clear of the whole ordeal. By Thanksgiving (less than 5 months after buying it) the watch had stopped working. Thinking the battery was to blame, he stopped at a jeweller after Christmas to have the battery replaced. It worked…for about a month and then it just stopped.
We found the empty box with the warranty booklet as we were cleaning out the basement last weekend. ‘You should probably call Zappos’ I said, upon realizing we’d had the blessed watch all of nine months. So he called Zappos, which really has to be the best customer service organization on the planet. Those who know me fairly well, know I’ve spent a good portion of my life on that website, ordering shoes, returning shoes and occasionally keeping a pair or two. While their prices might be slightly higher than other places, the free shipping and easy returns have made me a fan. (I wonder if there’s a fan page on Facebook…even though I wouldn’t join it, much as I heart them.
The person Jason spoke to could not have been nicer. On Thursday a brandnew (again!) watch will arrive at our ‘home’ in Indiana. (Look for it, Nina…) Jason has a free return label to send back his broken watch – though I’m guessing it has to be mailed from the States, not Canada. And they gave him a $20 online coupon to use towards his next purchase. (Not another watch.)
In all probability, the Suunto may will not last. But at least we have Zappos.