One wedding and no funerals

When I got home from book club, not quite three weeks ago, there was a card sitting on my pillow. From the other jason johnson.

Mr. Johnson is quite a card maker when he has the time and inclination, and this was certainly one of his finer ones. As I started reading the words on the page, arranged in his signature style – meaning you have to read it twice in order to understand it – I was surprised. Very surprised.

Apparently, my darling husband had hacked into my email account and stolen the email address of a friend from London. The same friend who was getting married in late-February; who had sent us an invitation to attend her wedding. In London. An invitation I declined as graciously as possible because our pesky house in Indiana still hasn’t sold, and it would be rather difficult to leave town for an extended period of time.

But Mr. Johnson, for better and for worse, doesn’t view situations the way I do. Instead of turning down an invitation to a wedding for financial reasons, or scheduling difficulties, or because it’s crazy; he solicits donations from my closest family members and spends hours on the internet looking for an affordable flight. And buys the plane ticket, before I can tell him that it is a very bad idea, and doesn’t make any amount of sense.

So this week, thanks to my very sneaky, and equally bullheaded husband, I will be flying on a plane to London. Alone. To see a dear friend get married, and visit friends and places I haven’t seen in nearly five years.

Honestly, if I had the opportunity to go to a wedding in Iowa, by myself, I might be just as excited. But, even better that it’s London.

In order to soften the blow of my departure, I bought an enormous container of Golden Grahams. So at least breakfasts will be fun while I’m gone. I tried to talk to Mr. G about my upcoming absence the other day: ‘did you remember that I’m going to go to London next week?’ I asked. ‘Is that when we get to eat the fun cereal,’ he replied. Make no mistake, he’s been eyeing that box every morning for the past week. I also left a tub full of chili in the freezer, and five boxes of Annie’s Mac & Cheese in the pantry. That should sustain them, at least for a couple of days.

I’ve also suggested Jason buy an enormous container of moonsand and set up the sandbox in the kitchen, so the boys can just play in there all day long. He could even allow them to play in diaper and underwear only – minimizing dirty laundry at the same time. A kitchen filled with moonsand, and baths lasting from 6-8pm, should fill up at least half of the day. Easily.

I told Jason if he wanted to sleep in a bit, he could set out bowls of dry cereal the night before and put a teapot of milk in the fridge. G should be able to retrieve the teapot and pour milk over the cereal. The kid is practically five, after all. The Hen can’t yet climb into his booster seat without some assistance, but maybe it’s time he just started sitting in a regular seat. He’s almost eighteen months old. Harvard is looking for exemplary students, not run of the mill ones.

I can only imagine the excellent blog posts Professor Hotness will write as he takes over the blog in my absence. I expect our reunion will go something like this: he’ll drop me and the kids off at the house, and I’ll just hear tires squealing as he drives off.

But that’s okay. Because I’m going to London. By myself. For five days.

6 thoughts on “One wedding and no funerals

  1. I am speechless. Renate – how can you even DOUBT that this ensures him HOTY 2009? Seems like the competition doesn’t stand a chance…I’m gonna make sure MY Jason hears about this…


Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s